Program: Discontinued
by nerdsandlairs
Summary: Set before the film. "You of all people should know that we have discontinued that program." What was the cause for Megamind canceling the frequent kidnapping card program and how did it start in the first place? These questions and more will be answered here and now!


**So I am currently writing two other fan fictions and I truly wanted to finish them before I took up another one but I just saw Megamind for the first time and I absolutely fell in love with it! The plot, the characters and all their wit and charm (Tighten being the exception) and I can't resist but explore this 'verse and all the little things they left out that kept me questioning. I'm going to focus on just one shots for now and if you guys have any requests for drabbles please, don't hesitate and I will do my best because as Metro Man would say, 'the greatest honor you have given me, is letting me serve you' only I hope I don't fake my death to get out of the job.**

**This first one will be a vision as to why the Frequent Kidnaped Card was DISCONTINUED. Kmcd8**

Metro City had never seen a finer day. With a warm sun, the sky spotted with a few puffy marshmallow like clouds and a gentle breeze, one might say that this was a perfect day.

Megamind, incredibly handsome overlord of all things of villainy, would agree that it was indeed a perfect day. A perfect day for evil.

"Minion!" Megamind roared from the garage of the evil lair. "Hurry up will you?! Miss Ritchi will be wrapping up her in-tar-view with Metro Man, and if I don't have her all set by the time her report airs tonight so help me I'll-!"

"I'm on my way Sir!" Came the rather cheery voice of his loyal and so very evil fish fiend. It was not until Minion was beside him that Megamind took notice to the forms in his mechanical hands.

"MMM-Minion?"

"Yes Sir?"

"What are _'those' _for?" He inquired pointing to the documents, his eye brows at full arch.

"Well Sir, I was just thinking that since we only kidnap Miss Ritchi, maybe we could start a reward program for her!" He beamed happily, though his master was less than impressed.

"You see Minion. This is EXACTLY why I am the brains of the operation!" He exclaimed turning his back away and his hands in the air. "I mean do you honestly think that-"

"I think she'll be impressed Sir. Maybe even _shocked_." Minion proposed trying to keep the idea alive before Megamind could dash it all away. On that proposal Megamind spun on his heels and was already pulling the papers from his trusty fish to look them over.

Of the countless times he's captured Metro Man's sweet heart reporter, not once had he been able to get a decent scream out of her. The woman was without fear! But maybe if he were to catch her off guard... Yes! It could work! He tried his best to keep his expression of joy under wraps, but he could hide nothing from the fish.

"You see Sir, the way the reward program works is after so many visits, we would reward with something. To show her we value her as a hostage."

"Yes Yes Yes, Minion. Let us say that after… SIX VISITS… we shall grant her a single request. So long as it isn't me not kidnapping her, or stop being a villain, or worse still having to humiliate myself before her camera." And to the last bit Minion began to chuckle.

"Well Sir, I'm not sure if that's all that horrible of a request, after all I mean how many times HAVE you humiliated yourself on your own? Like remember last week when-"Minion's voice trailed off as he saw the radiant green eyes glare into his very soul.

"I mean... heh we should have that in the contract too. I'll just edit it when we get back."

The kidnapping went as smoothly as it always went. A quick dose of their spray whilst the reporter was on the street, the bag over her head, tied in the back seat and they were all set to go, minus the editing of the contract for what they would call the frequent kidnaper card, and with all of the requests Megamind did not want to fulfill, the simple two page contract turned into a novel.

He wanted to add in a few more exclusions, but Minion insisted that what they had was good enough, and that if they were to keep going with revisions they would run the risk of being late for their most diabolical plan yet.

Returning back to the now fully conscious Roxanne Ritchi, Minion removed the bag swiftly, but not at a speed that would cause discomfort to the maiden.

Before Roxanne could even adjust to the light Megamind was already inches from her face holding up what she thought to be a phone book.

"Now I know normally I make you wait a little while before revealing my gorgeous mug, but today is special. Do you want to know why?" He inquired, casting the most sinister grin he could, which only made the spunky reporter smirk.

"Let me guess. You have an evil plot to attack the city with ferocious kittens?"

"What?! No- Kittens?" He asked now contemplating the thought of an army of kittens. He'd have to remember to have Minion write that down. "But no Miss Ritchi, today is for you!" He exclaimed moving away from her and closer to the monitors. "How long have I been kidnapping you for? Two, maybe three years?"

"Actually it's been about four." She muttered. There was no way she'd forget that, after all, the first time was her first day on camera at WBNC 8. She had just done a live interview with Metro Man after saving a loaded school bus that went broke down on the train tracks.

He spun around at her response. "Wow! Really?!" He asked as he jumped into his chair, his body facing the back of the chair, his arms crossed over the top and his chin resting on his arms. "Well Miss Ritchi, for being such a trooper for me, I've come up with a program to reward you."

Minion glanced up with a pout that he was not given credit for the plan, but it went unnoticed.

"Well, there's a surprise." Roxanne noted rather amused by the gesture. "And what would this program be?" That was Minion's cue to jump in and pitch the sale.

"Well Miss Ritchi I'm glad you asked! WE have decided that since WE see you so much, WE would give you a card, and for every time WE kidnap you WE will give you a stamp. Once you reach six kidnappings, WE will grant you one request-"

"But there are conditions Miss Ritchi!" the villain warned, shifting his entire weight on the back of the chair, nearly tipping it over. "Minion! Inform her of the details!" he ordered.

"Sir, it would be easier to tell her what she can do…"

"When do we ever do things the 'easy' way? No, no, no. It's far more 'EVIL' to tell her the forbidden parts." He said with a chuckle.

With a heavy sigh the fish began to read off from memory what she could not request.

"The request you make cannot be any of the following. You cannot request Sir to stop kidnapping you, nor to stop being evil. You can't ask him to turn himself into the authorities, or to Metro Man. Sir will also refuse any requests that include humiliation on camera for you. He will not shave his" He gave a heavy sigh again. "His GLORIOUS goatee. He will not dye it, and the same applies to his eyebrows. The Sir will not change his wardrobe. He will not wear hats or wigs…." And so he went on for another hour, explaining the terms of her request, each denial more and more bizarre, but it nearly put the reporter to sleep.

"Well Megamind, you nearly did it..." She said with a yawn. "You almost bore me to death, does that mean Metro Man is on his way?"

"No, Miss Ritchi. But believe me, when Metro Man does come to save you, you will be anything but bored." He spat back with a glare from his seat, which he had resituated himself in since nearly toppling himself over. "But, now that you have been briefed, you can sign and receive your card as well as your first stamp."

"And if you'll just sign here, here annnnnnnnnnnnnd here." Minion said holding out a clip board to which Roxanne just glared at.

"Well if you would just untie me I would be happy to sign it." She whispered to Minion with a grin.

"Oh of course! How silly of me!" Minion began as he moved to untie her when the voice of his Sir snapped him away.

"Minion! You weak willed fish of science! She's using her reporting skills to trick you!" He shouted. "Just- just stick the pen in her mouth. That will be good enough."

The reporter was about to protest when she found the back of a pen slipped into her mouth. She shot a glare at Minion who replied with a whispered sorry and pout. With a gruff she lowered her head, put pen to paper and signed.

"Perfect!" Came the Evil Overlord. "Now if we'll just move on to our main attraction for the night!" And on came the projectors, plastering their faces on every screen within the greater Metro City area. And as always Metro Man won, throwing Megamind behind bars once again.

It took only a month for Roxanne to build up the five other credits towards her one request, but in that month MegaMind had nearly forgotten about the program, as well as lost 237 Brain Bot's, created 2.2 million dollars' worth of damages and added four more life sentences. Minion however was more than ecstatic when it came time to reward their victim of pure evil.

"Sir! She's done it! She filled up her card!" He beamed though the villain was hardly paying attention. Their opposite ray had become faulty. The plan this time around was to make Metro Man lose his super powers as well as good looks, but a certain fish had failed to upgrade the beam to support such an evil power. Upon testing the ray on a fly, the fly had become an even bigger and better fly. It even grew a perfect afro. And though he relished the idea of ruining Mr. Perfect's hair, he was sure that if he were to use the ray on him it would back fire and make his hair even better!

"Yes, yes, Minion, that's nice." He muttered fixing his goggles with a frown.

"So, does that mean I can make my request now? Or do I have to wait until after you go to prison?" She asked which caught the villain's ear drums.

"Bah! Prison? No, No, No Miss Ritchi! After tonight, I, Megamind! Master of all things evil and devilishly handsome things will become the ruler of Metrocity! Mwahahaha!"

"The contract simply say after stamping." Came in the voice of his evil henchfish.

"Say what now?"

"Well Sir, our agreement says that after the sixth stamping we shall grant Miss Ritchi one request, excluding any of the ones stated before." Came the fish reading off the contract.

Frowning Megamind's gaze went from the fish to the reporter, wearing a victorious smug grin which made him cringe and slump back into his seat in defeat.

"Alright Miss Ritchi! You have won the right to claim your prize! What is it that you wish to collect?"

"Let me interview you." Was her 'simple' request.

"Ohohoh! Miss Ritchi, you forget your place!" chimed the evil genius. "Our agreement says-!"

"Said nothing on camera, never made note of any off camera." She interrupted, her victorious grin still on her lips.

"She's right Sir, we failed to make note of-"

"No! You failed to make note of it!" barked the clearly disgruntled Megamind, "… Minion, untie her and leave us. This… _temptress _has outwitted us." He muttered. "Prepare another can of knock out spray."

"Sir? Aren't we going to continue with-?"

"No Minion. My evil black heart can only manage one defeat per a day. To be bested twice in a day would ruin me. We will have to save it for next week."

Frowning, Minion did as his master bid releasing their hostage and left the two to the interview.

Once freed, the reporter snatched a fresh note pad and pen from her bag. Crossing her leg she was now in full interview mode.

"Well, aren't we eager to get inside my head?" Chuckled the villain.

"Well, Megamind. Everyone knows of our beloved hero Metro Man, but the only records we have of you are what the prison will release." She retorted which wiped the grin from the blue man's lips. "So. Megamind. Tell me-"

"I'll give you fifteen minutes."

"Forty five."

"Twelve."

"That's not how negotiations work!" Exclaimed the reporter before resting back in the chair thinking. "Thirty… six minutes." She cooed, he wanted to counter her yet again, but the man had a weakness for the number six, and with the number three before six made him think of The Number of the Beast. How could he deny her now?

"…Fine Miss Ritchi!" He began pushing himself back to the monitors entering in the time to start counting down, his elbow hitting at a switch but his mind was so devolved in Miss Ritchi outwitting him yet again, that he could not be bothered by whatever it was he activated.

Turning back now to Metro City's favorite lead reporter he produced the most charming smile he could for her. "Now. Where were we?"

Tell me Megamind. When did you become a Super villain, and why?" she asked, no longer the sarcastic hostage he had come to know but the one he had always seen on screen.

"Well Miss Ritchi that would take us back to my days as a shool boy." He said crossing his own leg now. "That was the second time I had come into contact with your boyfriend in tights."

"There was a time before that?" She inquired to which he nodded in an instant.

"That is what I said. He came from the planet just adjacent to mine."

"Wait- are you saying that you and Metro Man are both aliens?!" Megamind rolled his eyes.

"Are you really asking me that? Oh Miss Ritchi, it's cute at how clueless you are. Did the whole laser eyes, flying and super strength pass you by?"

"Well for years it's been theorized that Metro Man was a test tube baby. After all, his parents were leaders in the bio engineering, curing countless diseases, yet unable to actually produce their own child."

"Nope. Totally alien." He said smirking as he placed his hand on his thigh. "Yep. I might have had that life had his ship not knocked me off course."

"But how can that be possible? I mean you two are so… different."

"We are, but look at this planet's sisters. They are quite different. Venus being a ball of fire and Mars with its ice caps and then EAR-th, being the utopia that it is."

She really couldn't argue with that statement.

"Sorry, we got a little off topic. So you two were formally introduced in what, preschool?"

"Yes. Once upon a time it was right beside the prison, though the day I came into my own Metro Man moved it far beyond. To this day I still have no clue to where he brought that shool house to." He said rather glumly. "It is just the way it always has been and always will be I suppose."

"If we could just go back to you two both being aliens now."

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"Well as I said, it's a new development for the citizens of Metro City. Why is that you both left your planets, and how old were you?"

"If memory serves me right Miss Ritchi, it was because a black hole had just formed, not giving our planets any time to react or evacuate other than my parents putting me and Minion in an escape pod. I'm unsure of Metro Man's age, he may be a few weeks older than I, but I was eight days old."

"And you can remember that far back?"

"Well yes- I don't think Metro Man was able to form memories that young, but my earliest memory was being in my mother's womb." He said with a shrug.

"That's... well amazing." She whispered. She had stopped writing some time ago. "What do you remember from your planet, your parents?"

"Oh it was quiet advanced, your human intellect probably couldn't handle it." He said with a grin. "But my parents, may they rest in peace, will not be in this interview, if you don't mind." Roxanne was a little taken back, not by the villain's courtesy but her own rudeness. It wasn't like her to pry into heart wrenching stuff such as the death of family members, and certainly not in a first interview.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"It's quiet alright Miss Ritchi, I know you did not mean any harm." He said easing back into his chair. "Next question."

"Right. Thanks. So what was it like, growing up in prison?"

"It's hard to compare it to what you would like me to say. After all it was the only child hood- or well life I've ever known." He said looking up as the dingy ceiling of his lair. "In fact, I didn't taste society until I turned sixteen. It was my first and only time of being released on the books."

"And the first thing you did was ruin the Metro City High School Senior prom for Metro Man." She said with a smile to which he laughed.

"Oh that was a night to remember." He exclaimed getting to his feet. "Did you know him back then?"

"Oh, everyone knew Wayne, boy wonder. Played for every other sports team, making his graduating class undefeated. By I didn't know him personally. He was a few grades ahead of me."

"So you two weren't high school sweet hearts then?"

"Are you taking over this interview Megamind? Because if so, I'd prefer it if you didn't do it on my time." She warned.

Holding up his hands in defense he gave the wheel back to the professional and she continued.

"Surprisingly, all of your 'evil' deeds have never claimed a life. At most you've injured a dozen or so people. Is this just a coincidence or do you not intend to actually harm the citizens of Metro City?"

"Why would I kill people?" He asked a little confused.

"Well, you are the 'bad' guy, who is from an alien planet, who spent the first sixteen years of his life in a state run prison." She said, now feeling like an idiot for asking the wrong question yet again. Before she could recover he was already answering her question

"I might have been raised by criminals, but even most criminals have standards." He said watching her with his green eyes. "Forgive me Miss Ritchi, but I just don't see the point of killing the citizens of Metrocity. If I killed them, who would be left for me to terrorize?"

Once again the evil overlord had her speechless. He saw it from a business standard.

"How do you pay for all of your expenses?" She asked seeing that the clock was nearly spent. Less than five minutes now.

"Well I don't have a need for money really. Almost everything I own, I've made. But I will sell things off here and there to pay for things that I can't."

"Like clothes?"

"Actually Minion designs all my clothes. Really the only things that we need to go into pocket for is food and toiletries." He confessed watching her.

"Alright, last question. Your boots."

"You mean my custom baby seal leather boots?"

"The very ones."

"… Can this be 'off' the record?" He asked tilting his head in with a whisper. Roxanne sighed and gave a nod in agreement.

"Fake." He confessed setting both feet on the floor.

"No!"

"Yes Miss Ritchi. I may be the bad boy, but I'm not a monster. I mean, have you ever seen a baby seal before? With their little noses and big owl' eyes, they do so remind me of Minion when he was a little minnow." He cooed. Spinning the chair around to check the clock.

"Now are you sure you don't have any more questions Miss Ritchi? You still have two minutes and three seconds!"

"Two Minutes until self-destruction." Came a cold, feminine, robotic voice.

"Now two minutes before self-destruction." He repeated, in a matter of tone before he hit him. "Self-destruction?!"

"Uhh…. Megamind?" Roxanne asked unsure if she heard either of the confirmations right, but upon seeing his reaction and darting to the control panel she knew her ears did not deceive. "What did you do?!"

"Are we really still conducting the interview Miss Ritchi? Because this isn't the best time!" He warned trying to figure out where he went wrong.

"Ugh! And do you really wonder why you never win? You don't need Metro Man to defeat you, you can do that all by yourself!" she shouted bring her hand to her hair.

"Really not a good time Miss Ritchi!" he shouted back as he began to flip random switches and press buttons, an onslaught of brain bots began to purge from an outlet, various 'torture' wheels and spikes came from the floor but nothing stopped the clock.

"One minute and thirty seconds." Came the animated voice.

"Miss Ritchi."

"Running? Yea, way ahead of you, Blue." She muttered as the pair turned to run in full sync, only for them both to collide with the gorilla suited Hench-fish.

"Minion! There is no time, we must flee immediately!" Mega Mind insisted as Minion observed the count down.

"Oh Sir, don't be silly, I've got this one under control." He said with a satisfied grin. What would his Sir do without him? "We just have to put in the pass code to disarm it!"

"Oh good, Minion, for a second there I really thought that we would have to build ourselves another lair!" Mega Mind began with a nervous chuckle looking to the equally relieved Roxanne as Minion brought up the screen to enter the code. "I bet this is the most exciting interview you've ever had!"

"Now if I could just remember what the code is."

"What?!" Came the panicked voices of Mega Mind and Roxanne.

"One minute until self-destruction."

"Are you telling me you don't know the code?"

"Well don't worry Sir, I'm sure I wrote it down somewhere. You know how forgetful I am." He said with a rather fearful smile.

"Oh I should have known my life would end this way! Not at the hands of Justice, or rotting in prison, but my demise would be by the very fins used to aid me! And why not death rather than living torment!" He screamed at the guilty faced fish.

"Sir, please don't shout! I'm trying my best."

"Trying your- trying your best?! Your best includes blowing us to smithereens?!"

"Maybe Metro Man will save us?" The fish asked hopeful, and he was answered with a back hand to his bowl and howl of pain came from Mega Mind as he grasped his injured hand with his still capable one.

"Would you like me to bandage that for you Sir?"

"Thirty seconds remaining."

"Oh Yes Minion, could you? And then maybe if it's not too much trouble prepare a body bag for the three of us?!"

"Sir, I'm only trying to help!"

"Well maybe that's the problem!

"What are you saying?"

"Maybe I don't need your help! Because between us three, I can do bad, ALL. BY. MY. SELF!

"I don't understand Sir."

"Do I need to clarify it for you? Fine. CODE: YOU KILLED US!

"CODE: I'M SORRY!"

"Ten seconds."

"CODE: I'M SORRY is invalid! Sorry Minion, but you failed not only as a proper evil side kick, but you probably won't even make the cut for the Metro City Diner Fish Taco Friday with how much you'll be charred!" The fish gasped.

"Nine."

"CODE: How dare you! You know how much I love Fish Taco Fridays!"

"Eight"

"Oh you know what I love Minion? CODE: NOT DYING."

"Seven"

"Oh for the love of- Code: Stop!" Came the flustered, and forgotten voice of Roxanne Ritchi."

"She's right!" Came Minion, and Megamind gave a defeated sigh.

"Yes Minion she is. We should not be spending our final moments together in such a manor. I-"

"No- Sir, the code! It's STOP! That's the code!" He exclaimed typing it in, and the timer stopped on three seconds.

"The code was stop?" the reporter asked. "Is everything you guys do so... straight forward?"

"Miss Ritchi, the interview is over, it was lovely seeing you again, and I would say we should do this again sometime, but I'm canceling the promotion of that card."

"But Sir!"

"Ah! No Buts! Miss Ritchi needs to learn her lesson!"

"Lesson?! What Lesson?! I just saved your life and your 'precious' lair!"

"Oh ho ho.. Miss Ritchi. The way I see it is that if it wasn't for you, I would have never had to worry about blowing up my own lair!"

"So does that mean you'll stop kidnapping me?"

"Nonsense! In fact maybe I should increase your kidnappings! Don't go making any plans or promises with anyone. You and I will be seeing quite a bit of one another for the next few weeks Miss Ritchi!"

"Great. Can I go home now?"

"Minion, please escort Miss Ritchi home. I hope you sleep well tonight Miss Ritchi, because come morning you will know the TRUE meaning of Terr-are!" He roared before giving off his best evil villain laugh before swaggering out of the control room.

Rolling her eyes to the fish she smiled. "Does that mean he's making breakfast? Because if so, I take my coffee black."


End file.
